Blonde Jokes

Found 54 jokes in the topic of Blonde.
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"A blonde walked into work crying her eyes out and her boss asked her what was wrong. She said that her mom just died. Her boss told her she should take the day off. The blonde replied, "No I need to take my mind off of it." She went into her office. Her boss said, "I will check on you in a little while." After an hour the boss went into the office and the blonde was crying even more. He asked her what was wrong?
She answered, " I just got a call from my sister saying her mom died too!""

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"One day a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were being chased by the police. The girls decided to go up 3 different trees to hide. The brunette hid in an apple tree, the redhead hid in a lemon tree, and the blonde hid in an oak tree. The policeman went to the apple tree and said, Is there anyone up there?"
The brunette went, "meow."
The policeman said to himself, "Oh, it s just a cat stuck up in a tree."
Then he went over to the lemon tree and said, "Is there anyone up there?"
The redhead went, "bark, bark."
The policeman said to himself, "Oh, it s just a dog stuck up in a tree!"
Then he went over to the oak tree and said, "Is there anyone up there?"
And the Blonde said, "Acorn, acorn!""

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"A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle so she grabs the puzzle and pours out all the pieces and tries to put it together. After a while she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend. He asks her what is wrong and she tells him about the trouble she is having with the puzzle. He tells her to look at the picture on the front and tell him what it looks like. The blonde says, Okay, well, the background is blue and there is a tiger on it.
After a long pause her boyfriend sighs and says, Honey, put the cornflakes back in the box. "

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"There was a brunette walking on a railroad track saying, " 22, 22, 22, 22..."
A blonde walking near-by heard the brunette. So, the blonde asked if she could join the brunette.
The brunette said sure and together they said, " 22, 22, 22, 22 &"
Later on a train comes down the track. The brunette jumps off, but the blonde is not so lucky.
The brunette jumped back on the track after the train was gone and started saying, "23, 23, 23, 23...""

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"Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
Because she was trying to make up her mind."

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"Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side."

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Featured Book: The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less) by John M. Shanahan

You don't have to be a genius to sound like one. Here's a collection of the most profound and provocative wit and wisdom in the English language in two lines or less. Edited by entrepreneur John M. Shanahan, who created the wildly successful Hooked on Phonics program, this wonderful book presents the best that has been thought and said on every imaginable topic.

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"How do blonde brain cells die?
... Alone."

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"Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!""

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"Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.
Robby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnny was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.
They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.
About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."
Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left.""

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"Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
... In case she had to draw some blood"

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"This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said... "FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.""

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"A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied."

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"A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help.""

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"A foreman of a factory was making his rounds inspecting how all of the workers were doing their jobs. Well he said to one blond worker, I see you are doing a very diligent job stamping all of the boxes THIS SIDE UP . Yes the worker replied, eager to please, and just to be extra sure I stamped the bottom also! "

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"Did you hear about the blonde shoplifter?
She was found dead under Kmart!"

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