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Long Jokes

No, these aren’t about tall people. You’d think they were by the name. Rather, these are jokes that go on and on and on. Part of their humor is in the convoluted story that is spun by the teller. The listener has to pay close attention; otherwise, the joke goes nowhere. Long jokes are another classic joke telling art form, and in the hands of a master, can have everyone rolling in the aisles in no time. Long jokes can be just as funny in written form because it’s the story itself that is the star of the show. Even a novice joke teller can tell long jokes, if he or she can remember the whole thing, that is.

Reference.com Definition of Long
Long on Wikipedia.org

Found 77 jokes in the topic of Long.
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"A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers.""
http://wordplay.donhmorris.com/jokes.html
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"An older woman gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer : Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer : Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer : Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer : Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer : You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too."
http://www.you-can-be-funny.com/CopJokes.html

Featured Book: The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less) by John M. Shanahan

You don't have to be a genius to sound like one. Here's a collection of the most profound and provocative wit and wisdom in the English language in two lines or less. Edited by entrepreneur John M. Shanahan, who created the wildly successful Hooked on Phonics program, this wonderful book presents the best that has been thought and said on every imaginable topic.
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"Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!""
http://www.tensionnot.com/jokes/blonde_jokes?page=3
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"A string walked into a bar, hopped on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."
Disappointed, the string hopped down from the stool and went to the next bar. He hopped on the barstool and said, again, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."
The string continued down the row of bars in this fashion. At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender at every bar in turn said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."
Finally he got to the last bar in the area. He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a beer. He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." This bartender, too, said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."
Tired and angry, the string walked outside to think. He was a hard-working string. He deserved a beer. Finally, he came up with an idea. He had a passerby tie him up into a bow and frazzle his ends. Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up on the barstool. "Bartender, gimme a beer!" he said loudly.
The bartender looked him over critically, and finally yelled, "Hey, aren't you that string that was in here a few minutes ago?"
The string replied coolly, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot.""
http://wordplay.donhmorris.com/jokes.html
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"There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did."
http://wordplay.donhmorris.com/jokes.html
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"There was a poor old Irish cobbler whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Mike, the Irish gent, would go out the back of his shop and eat his soda bread and maybe a kipper or piece of Irish blue cheese while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.
One morning, the Irishman was surprised to receive an invoice in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for "enjoyment of food"
Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought a thing from them.
The manager said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it." The Irishman refused to pay and the restaurant took him to court.
At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."
The judge turned to Mike and said, "What do you have to say to that?" The old Irishman didn't say a thing but smiled and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.
The judge asked him, "What is the meaning of that?" The Irishman replied with a wide grin, "I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money.""
http://www.emmitsburg.net/humor/archives/clean/
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"Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are out on a camping trip. They trudge all day, covering lots of miles, and finally decide, just as dusk is falling, that it's time to set up camp for a night.
They put up their tent, start a fire, cook a simple meal, eat, and both being exhausted from the day's exertions, decide to go to sleep.
At about 3 in the morning Holmes shakes Watson awake and says, "Watson, look up at the stars in the sky and tell me what you deduce from them."
Watson is sleepy, but he has learned that there is always a point to even the most random of Holmes's questions, so he does as he's told, and gazes up at the stars.
"Well, Holmes," he says after a moment, "I can see millions of stars. Millions of them. And I guess if there are millions of stars, then around many of those stars there must be planets. And if there are planets around those stars, then some of those planets must be like our planet. And if planets like ours exist around some of those stars, then on some of those planets there may well be people, looking up at the stars and imagining that we exist as well. That's what I deduce from looking up at the stars, Holmes."
And Holmes says, "No, Watson, you fool -- someone has stolen the tent.""
http://ask.metafilter.com/29078/Good-clean-jokes

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