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Funny British Comedian Quotes

Found 311 quotes in the topic of Funny British Comedian .
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This quote contains photos.
"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
Eric Morecambe
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Morecambe
British Comedian Funny Quote of the Day
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"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
Tommy Cooper
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommy_Cooper
British Comedian Funny
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"I feel like I'm working on an oil rig right now. I'm away from home a lot."
Hugh Laurie
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Laurie
British Comedian Funny Home
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This quote contains photos.
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
Tommy Cooper
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommy_Cooper
British Comedian Funny Quote of the Day
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"There is barely a country in the world where you will be completely safe."
Michael Palin
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Palin
British Comedian Country Funny
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"If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid."
Eddie Izzard
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Izzard
British Comedian Funny

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"Dressing up as decrepit old ladies, and even decrepit young ladies, was one of our staples."
Graham Chapman
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham_Chapman
British Comedian Funny
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"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
Paul Merton
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Merton
British Comedian Funny
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"Never put a sock in a toaster."
Eddie Izzard
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Izzard
British Comedian Funny
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"I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside."
Ken Dodd
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_Dodd
British Comedian Funny
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"World War II... did not happen to everyone, but it happened to most. There were people from Germany who were throwing bombs at us."
Graham Chapman
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham_Chapman
British Comedian Funny Germany
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"At the risk of sounding hopelessly romantic, love is the key element. I really love to play with different musicians who come from different cultural backgrounds."
John McLaughlin
British Comedian Funny Love
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"Recently, my personal advisors have been telling me to go to America. Actually, people have been walking up to me in the street and telling me to sod off, but that's the same thing, isn't it?"
Alexei Sayle
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexei_Sayle
America British Comedian Funny
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"If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'"
Alexei Sayle
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexei_Sayle
British Comedian Funny Travel
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"Only in spontaneity can we be who we truly are."
John McLaughlin
British Comedian Funny

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