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Funny Editor's Pick Quotes

Found 67 quotes in the topic of Funny Editor's Pick .
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"The difference between life and the movies is that a script has to make sense, and life doesn't."
Joseph Mankiewicz
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_L._Mankiewicz
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Oscar Wilde
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go"
Oscar Wilde
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Wilde
Jack Handey
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
Jack Handey
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Handey
Albert Einstein
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein
Winston Churchill
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
Winston Churchill
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winston_Churchill
George Carlin
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things"
George Carlin
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Carlin

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You don't have to be a genius to sound like one. Here's a collection of the most profound and provocative wit and wisdom in the English language in two lines or less. Edited by entrepreneur John M. Shanahan, who created the wildly successful Hooked on Phonics program, this wonderful book presents the best that has been thought and said on every imaginable topic.
Will Rogers
"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
Will Rogers
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_Rogers
Josh Groban
"There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva."
Josh Groban
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josh_Groban
Erma Bombeck
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
Erma Bombeck
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erma_Bombeck
Albert Einstein
"I don't know what weapons will be used in world war three, but in world war four people will use sticks and stones."
Albert Einstein
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein
Oscar Wilde
"When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers."
Oscar Wilde
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Wilde
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"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
Stephen Wright
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"When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded"
Stephen Wright
Aaron Allston
"Life is like an analogy."
Aaron Allston
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Allston
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Barry
Wayne Gretzky
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
Wayne Gretzky
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayne_Gretzky
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"There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins."
Josh Billings
Woody Allen
"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."
Woody Allen
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woody_Allen
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"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."
Dave Barry
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Barry
Robert Orben
"Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down."
Robert Orben

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