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Funny Quotes

Found 4,706 quotes in the topic of Funny .
[ Page 3 of 236 ]
Mae West
"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
Mae West
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mae_West
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"If it had been what was supposed to happen, it would have happened."
Allan Houston
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allan_Houston
Steven Wright
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
Steven Wright
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Wright
Marilyn Monroe
"Everyone's just laughing at me. I hate it. Big breasts, big ass, big deal, Can't I be anything else ? Gee, how long can you be sexy?"
Marilyn Monroe
Jack Handey
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
Jack Handey
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Handey
Albert Einstein
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein

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"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."
Johnny Carson
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Carson
Oscar Wilde
"I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about."
Oscar Wilde
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Wilde
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"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."
Proverb
Albert Einstein
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
Albert Einstein
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein
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Walt Disney
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
Walt Disney
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walt_Disney
George Bernard Shaw
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."
George Bernard Shaw
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Bernard_Shaw
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"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
Josh Billings
Mae West
"Women with "pasts" interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself."
Mae West
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mae_West
Oscar Wilde
"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."
Oscar Wilde
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Wilde
Winston Churchill
"When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened"
Winston Churchill
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winston_Churchill
Emo Philips
"Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy."
Emo Philips
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emo_Philips
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"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."
Johnny Carson
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Carson
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"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
Jonathan Carroll
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Carroll
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"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
Tommy Cooper
Wikipedia -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommy_Cooper

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